::calmer
4:19 p.m. - 2004-08-23
I feel much better about the mom thing today. After a weekend of being very busy and not accomplishing anything, and not one single telephone call from anyone in my family, I feel a very strange kind of relaxed exhaustion. I want to crawl into bed and sleep for three days, actually. I did apologize to my Mom on Friday, after my sister asked me not to fight with her because she might not be around that much longer. As I apologized to my mom (and I meant it - my anger was out of concern for her, but I didn't mean to be hurtful to her), it became very clear to me that she absolutely could not understand why I was so angry about this. Don't get me wrong - I'm not faulting her for that, I just became aware of it. To her, it seemed that a wave of anger and hurtful words came out of nowhere and attacked her. I do feel calmer about this - I am very sorry that I was hurtful and I didn't really mean to be. I guess I just felt like I needed to shake her and wake her up, or something.
I'm stubborn, and I know it quite well. It seems to me that I really failed to see any other point of view in this situation, which is rare for me(I hope, anyway - I try for it to be). Every few steps, though, we often get a little reality knock.
It's still sad and hard for me to accept that she doesn't want to change her lifestyle, but it is her life, after all, and not mine.
I don't mind the phone silence, actualy. It gives me time to do the things that I need to do without distraction.
SW and I had a nice dinner on Sunday afternoon. We used the rental car for the last time (I have to return it tonight, broken tail light and all, but I'll be glad to see it go) to run errands and things yesterday afternoon. We got some steaks at the grocery store and barbequed them on the grill outside and it was yummy. I made Sangria, and it was pretty decent, but it seemed really strong (I wonder if it had anything to do with the extra vodka I added for kick). It tasted good, though, and it looks pretty. Last night I went out to see Wayne Hancock with Christine. All and all, it wasn't that impressive of a show. Wayne seemed really drunk or high on something - he could hardly manage to get the words out of his mouth. I had an okay time, but I most certainly could have stayed home and gotten better sleep instead.
The C Minor Mass actually turned out to be a decent concert! Friday was a little bit scary - there were some serious intonation issues and they had to start the "Qui Tollis" over because the lower strings spaced out and forgot to come in.... eek. Somehow, miraculously, Saturday's performance came together beautifully and was very solid. I was glad that SW came on Saturday instead of Friday. After Saturday's concert, the conductor and another director came up to me and were gushing about how impressed they were with my singing, etc, etc. It was nice to hear! I imagine that they'll email me about the next concerts that they are planning. I hope they will be slightly more organized about their scheduling from now on, though!
Oh, and someone from the audience came up to me and told me that she wished that I had been the main soloist. :)
The falcon is so screwed. I worked on her this weekend, but what I thought was broken isn't. I'm afraid that there might be a problem with the transmission, and I think I'm going to take her into the shop in the morning.
I found the most perfect falcon ever for sale today, although I don't think I could ever afford it. Still, though! Look how beautiful she is:
Sigh. Maybe I'll win the lottery.
