::mom2 and assholes on my car
11:10 a.m. - 2004-04-28
Uhg. Today is an irritating and crapy day. I was exhausted this morning. I didn't want to get up and I didn't want to come to work. I wanted to stay at home all day and just hug my sweetheart and go back to sleep.
I was irritated last night as I was leaving work, because yesterday, believeing that I was going to be late in the morning, I parked in front of the projects that are just a few blocks from where I worked - it was the only place I could find a spot. Well, as I'm leaving work and heading back to my car, I see that these two kids are sitting on the trunk of my car and drumming the side with their heels! Now, that Falcon is my baby, and this made me understandably irritated. As I approached I said, "Excuse me, can yo get off of my car? I need to leave." They take their time getting down and scowl at me. At this time I notice two other things - a Pepsi bottle on the front hood and a ticket on my windshield. I walk to the front of the car, and ask "Is this yours?" To which they reply, "No, bitch." (nice.) So I toss the bottle onto the sidewalk, grab the ticket and unlock my car door. I hear a voice call down from an upstairs window, "An attitude like that's gonna get your ass kicked." EXcuse me??? I didn't do anything! You jerks were sitting on *my* fucking car!
Good grief. I was so pissed of that I wanted to scream. Anyway, at least something horrid didn't happen, like my car stalled or wouldn't start, or something.
I went home and drank 3/4 of a bottle of Shiraz, though, and that was nice.
Anyway, this morning, all kinds of people are doing stupid things like running stopsigns, walking into the road without looking, and turning left into intersections and managing to bolck them completely and cause all traffic to come to a dead stop, and this was all trying on my nerves. I get into the vicinity of work and am looking for a place to park (making sure that I don't even drive by the corner I was parked on yesterday), and , of course, I can't find anywhere. Around and around and around, and oh yiipee, guess what? Now I'm late for work! Around and around and around a few times more and I spot one. It's almost big enough... if I really manuver I might be able to make it. So I sweat and I crank the wheel of that 65 Ford and roll back and forth into the space about 6 times before I get it right - it feels like 100 degrees in my car by this point. And then I realize, great, it's a streetcleaning day. So I'll have to move my car before 12 noon or I'll get yet another ticket - hopefully my boss will get back from her lunch in enough time for me to get out to my car and drive in circles until the street cleaner comes, and then I can follow him and park right after he's finished. Nice, eh? Sheesh.
ANYway. So, I'm sorry that I typed that rant yesterday and didn't get to finish - W came back from lunch and I had to get out of here and back to all of the work I had. W is having minor surgery today and so he won't be back for the rest of the week. Which means I'll be spending a lot more time running around and answering the phone and not being at my desk, which always means I don't get half of the work done that I should. Which leads to me getting stressed and irritated. Any my desk gets cluttered, which makes me even more ancy and irritated. So, that's how I am today. Ugh.
I am really very concerned about my mom. On some level, though, this might actually be a good thing; if she does indeed have diabetes, it would answer a lot of questions as to why her health was declining so fast. Hopefully, by some miracle, the lifestyle changes she'll have to make wont be more difficult for her and as a result she'll change her diet, lose some weight, and feel a lot healthier and more like herself. I'm hoping that will also give her a renewed sense of self and she'll try a little bit harder to get her life together. I worry, though. I worry because she and her husband are destitute. They can't ever afford decent groceries and since her diet will now be so restricted, I'm afraid that she won't be able to afford to buy the food she'll need to eat. I worry becasue the anti-depression medication that she is on (and on WAAAAAY too high of a dose of, in my opinion) relieves her of reality to such an extent that it probably will be easy for her to forget things that are important to her health. And I worry because her husband doesn't give a rats ass that this is happening or is just too oblivious to notice. He lets her drift off into oblivion while he's busy with his own stupid preoccupations.
I'm thinking about trying to set up some kind of grocery delivery to her on a weekly basis so she'll have meat and fresh veggies to eat. My finances are not fantastic, but I think if i pinch it in, I might be able to squeeze another 30-40 dollars a week to help them out. I feel badly about this, though, because I don't have respect for her husband and I think that he would just take advantage of the situation and spend the few dollars that I would save them on more cigarettes or something else that they really don't need. I'm not a puritanical non-smoker; I obviously don't smoke because I sing opera, but I don't really care if other people do, because it is their business and not mine. However, in this situation, both my mother and her husband chain-smoke like chimneys. My mother's doctors have been over and over this with her, and she even managed to quit for a year and a half, but her husband didn't even make a small effort and continued to billow around her until she finally gave in and started smoking again too. She really, really needs to quit, and so does he - he sounds like he has tuberculosis - but it seems quite a daunting task to even approach it with them. My idea is to talk to them both about me buying groceries for them (that is, ordering them and having them sent, NOT sending my mother's husband money) and in exchange, I would like them to quit smoking. It's probably insane and I have no idea if it will work, but I'm thinking of giving it a try.
The other thing I want to do is try and talk to someone about the meds my mom is on. I want to know exactly what they are, what the doses are, and if she really ought to be taking them all together. And if she truly needs to be taking as high of doses as she is. I really believe that if the dosages were lowered on the mood leveling meds that my mother would be much better off, much more a part of her own life and less prone to just sit and watch it go be her, and be content with the misery that she doesn't want to face.
I just want to make it better for her. I love her and I want her to be happy. I can't sit by and watch her allow her life to slip away - she's only 51!!!
My sister keeps calling me and telling me that she is dreaming that my mother is dead, and that's not helping me either. I have to do something about this.
